Fed Financial - 10 Points best answer...How should I handle this?

10 Points best answer...How should I handle this?

My husband has decided to "cut off" our family because they didn't help us a couple of years ago when we were having severe financial problems. I've respected his decision, but it has been two years! The holidays will be here soon and I want to go back to the way things were, but he doesn't want anything to do with anyone. My little sister is getting married, I want to have the family over for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner this year, but I am not getting much cooperation from him. He claims he wants me to have the parties and stuff for the holidays, but then says stuff like "well don't expect me to talk to them." etc. This is going to put a strain on me and put a damper on my time with family as well because he will behave this way if I have the party. I don't feel that I should have to choose between my husband and my family. What should I do? Should I just not have these parties to avoid me and others having a bad time? Or should I remain isolated with the two of us again? He has also "cut off" his side of the family and does not want anything to do with his mom and siblings either. I want to see them!!! :(

Public Comments

it sounds like he is being selfish and that is not right. you should have your family over and totally ignore him, do not let him put on a damper on things you and your family enjoy your time together because you never know when something could happen to any of them and then you would be the one living with that regret for the rest of your life.
Have the party, ur family is going to be ur family always, ur husband is not guaranteed. he'll eventually say something to them at the party, if someone asks him something i don't think he'll just sit there and look at them stupid, or will he
Well, i understand what situation you are in. Could you not arrange to meet the family for a meal and things prior to christmas and parties without him. Or share your christmas and Thanksgiving day with your husband and family. Say, up until 4ish you and your husband and from then on family or something. Sorry i cant help more im only 14! x
well its his family too..and his problems. they shouldnt have had to help with your problems. (no offense) just tell him you really want to see them again he cant hold a grudge against them forever . forgive and forget right? tell him its time to forgive them. they're sorry but it seems you got through it ok right? so just invite them over, they'll be nice and he will talk..like say some jokes or something, to lighten up the mood when they come over...i'm sure he will forget about it and just have fun ya i dont know much i'm 13!
Do what you should do....get back in touch with your family. You guys can not be mad at them forever. If your husband says that he won t talk ...that's fine.....Invite them over....he will have to talk to them eventually....try to tell him that you can not be in between of this stupid argument. Just go for it and make your plans. God forbid- but if any ting would happen to any member of your family while you are not talking to each other you would probably never forget it to your husband.
Sounds like your husband is acting childish. Go ahead and invite your family and friends over for the holidays. When everyone is there and having a good time, hopefully he'll come to his senses and let his grudge go. He can have satisfaction in a different way, such as refusing to help those who refused him before. Good luck, I know this can be stressful.
Your husband may have had his pride hurt if he asked for financial help during hard times, and didn't get it. That is very hard on an ego. He has not yet recovered. I would pick one of those holidays, either Thanksgiving or Christmas, and invite the family. Let him feel however he feels, and don't expect him to be much help. The problem with choosing both holidays is that if he ruins the first one, family members won't return for the second one. And then you will be hurting more. I'd pick Christmas; somehow people's hearts are not so hard then.
its not your families responsibility to help you out financially so cutting them off was wrong and spiteful. i am glad to hear that at least YOU have come to your senses. have the party - tell him to go out with his buddies for the day or he can lock himself in the bathroom. also you can visit your family on your own - without him. by the way - he should - OUT OF RESPECT FOR YOU - be civil to your family.
Your husband is hurt by your family and I don't blame him. If I was you there is no way I would choose my family over my husband. If you do you will be putting a feather in their cap so to speak. Your husband has rights and if he doesn't want to talk to them, let him be. Just go about your business but let him be himself, quit trying to make him do what you think he should do. Two years ago, if they could have helped and they didn't is wrong so yeah I'm all or your husband. It is up to him to forgive them, not up to you to make him forgive.
your husband sounds like a jerk. I know how it feels to be away from family. but two years thats a bit extream. your family isn't always going to be around so any time you spend with them should be precious. how would you feel if something were to happen to one of them. And by they way this sounds its your family and not his. You go see your family. Your family also is obligated to help you in finacial need. there are other ways to get around those problems. Money is the root of all even and in your case it seems to have cause a problem that should have never happend. Throw a party at the holidays and if you are afraid your husband will get upset invite family and friends to distract him. you shouldn't have to pick between your family and your husband but if the holidays don't go smooth because he is holding a grudge i would have a hard choice to make.
no i would say i want to see the family again i hope u can for give them if he can't say i am going to see them anyway
First of all, not talking to your family because they didn't help a few years ago isn't a really cool reason to cut off family. You two survived it, whatever it was, right? Whatever the reasons were that your family didn't help, you two made it through the test and probably learned a lot along the way, made you stronger. Both of you should be thankful for that. As for the borrowing, what is the reason they didn't help? Is it because they didn't have the means to help you? Or was it because you and/or your husband borrowed from them before and didn't repay them? Or even if you did repay them, did it take a long time or have you borrowed money a lot in the past? If any of these answers are yes, then that's why they refused and they most likely did it because they thought it was for the best. It's their money and their right to decide what to do with it. Being angry because they didn't hand it over to either of you without question isn't cool. They're not obligated to do so and if and when you and your husband have children, you'll understand that one of the most important lessons a parent can teach their child is self-reliance. Could be that your parents were trying to do that for you both. As far as the holidays are concerned....invite your family and then ignore your husband. Talk to your family and mend hurt feelings that way. Sooner or later, your husband will come around....or someone in your family might have an explanation for their actions that your husband will understand enough to forgive them for. Cutting off your family entirely is NOT the solution and it's not fair. If your husband has family, why didn't they help you guys instead? Did he cut them off? Did they help? The answers to these questions can give you the other answers that you need. I say have the dinner and let your husband and family come to terms in their own way. Good luck.
What he's doing is so unfair to you and to your family. You should NEVER have to choose between your husband and the rest of your family. A man who would ask you to do so doesn't care about your feelings. You should have the parties. You should also tell your husband that he is welcome to be a part of it all, as long as he is on his best behavior. Tell him that you don't want his attitude and behavior to detract from your enjoyment of the festivities. If he cares about you, he'll do one of 2 things - either he'll agree to behave properly and respectfully toward your family, or he'll choose to stay away and let you have this special time with your family. If he does anything other than those 2 options, you really have to consider how much the man really cares about you. It sounds as though it's more important to him to "make a point" than to make you happy. Good luck!
Hubby is being a jerk. Have the party and tell him that if he can't be civil then he can go find something else to do during the party. Families can be great but they're not obligated to help out in any way. Your husband needs to realize this. Good luck with the party and have fun! Don't let him spoil it for you.
Your husband is being very inmature. He sounds lke a toddler throwing a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted. Money is a very touchy subject, and as you have seen, you can get in trouble with it. Your family has a right to deny you money for whatever reason. Your husband needs to grow up, get over it and forgive and forget. What if the shoe were on the other foot? Would he be willing to give away money to your family if they already had trouble managing their own money? You have a right to be with your own family any time you wish but esp. the holidays. Tell your husband it's water under the bridge and you expect him to put it behind him and act like a normal family.
This is a form of psychological abuse. Sounds to me like you are married to a real jerk. Dump HIM, and reunite with your family.
Perhaps you could have a few non-family members there to keep your husband distracted? Do you have a couple you and he are close to that you could invite over? Perhaps just one party would be better instead of subjecting your husband to having both holidays taken up by people he's not fond of... Yes, he's being selfish. But try not to belabor the point, make your plans and show him that you're grateful he's agreed to let you have them there. A little "kissing up" never hurts...
My qustion to you would be when you were going through this time did the family have the means to help you or were they also having financial problems also. My parents would help me and my husband but they are just in as much of a financial bind as we are and my husbands parents are helping us by letting us live in there house. Second why did your husband expect the family to help out I am sorry but you are adults and you can not go running to family everytime you get in a bind. I would go ahead and have the party who cares what he says if he sits there like a lump on a log that is his problem you go and have fun and dont worry about him. My husband says the same thing about going to see my family but we go anyway and I have fun inspite of him. Well good luck.
it is understandable why your husband is upset. he expect help from family and when he didn't receive it, his feelings were hurt. and now, after two years, he is probably still hurting a little bit, but his pride is bigger. he made a decision and he is going to stick with it. it's about "man" pride. besides, from what i understand, your family did nothing to make things better between them either. your husband is probably just waiting for an apology from them and things would be right again. but it should be a heartfelt apology, he needs to feel they really mean it. that should probably solve things. talk to your family. if they want to spend time with you and if they care for you they will not have a problem doing this and you will not have to have a conflict with your husband. i hope everything works out!