Fed Financial - Why doesnt he help out?

Why doesnt he help out?

I work 38+ hrs a week, 5 days a week also thinking of taking on 6 days now bcoz of my financial situation and holiday plans. I have a bf that works 24hrs for 2days only. Obviously there is a huge difference there but there is also more. I start work at 3:15pm and finishing time 11:36pm but i usually stay bak and do overtime which can be an hr or more so i dont finish till late. I usually get up bout 10:00am to do house duties or cook my lunch for work. Usually i am very tired to do all of that but i have to do or else i wont have anything done. I ask my bf to cook for me and clean but he always has excuses like "im too tired", " i have a lot of my own stuff to sort out", "i wasnt made to cook" and becoz im not paying rent he thinks i have to do all that stuff. I pay for food weekly i pay some of his bills etc. Im the one here whos working for us. We've been together for 5yrs now and it just doesnt seem like he wants to make any effort. How can i make him help me out a bit at least?

Public Comments

I dont know
you're not. if it's been 5 years like this, not gonna happen. get rid of him
first, split the bills. you guys need to share expenses. then, you can ask.
threat him like you feel like breaking up and moving out
and why are you still with him?
if he doesn't help out at all now, just imagine what it will be like down the road
Looks like your boyfriend lacks mutual aid, give him the boot and wake him outta laziness and procrastination.
How I solved that one with my bf (when we first lived together) is I stopped cleaning, stopped cooking, everything. He got the hint and started pitching in.
You need to tell him that you're not willing to put up with his chickenship bullshit. Explain that when you need something done, it needs to be done. Relationships are about cooperation.
you need to explain to him how you feel and that you understand that he works for 24hr but he needs to pull his finger out!
You have to even out the playing field. Sure you'll cook -- if he cleans. And yes you'll pay rent -- if he pays bills. The things you share should be split down the middle, and those bills that are his are just that - HIS.
If he is that big of a lump around the house then move out or break up. Tell him your not there to take care of him he helps make the mess he can help clean up the mess. If he does not start helping then leave him.
You can't, he's a lazy dick-wad of a guy. you oughta get the hell away from him asap!!! it'll only get worse, trust me, i have a lot of uncles like ur bf, sum of them are goin on 10-15 yrs married, and lazier then ever!!!!!!!!!!
You teach someone how to treat you. He seems just fine and is getting away with it. If you don't like it teach him to treat your relationship a different way. Let him know with your actions that you need things to change. My boyfriend was staying at my house everynight and not contributing to anything. Sure he was throwing some money here and there but soon I decided that this was not what I wanted. I asked him not to come over at night. I also changed my phone number cause he would always bug me. Seems like I took control of the situation. I feel so much better. Good luck - you can do this.
Tell him your going to leave ..... 50/50 baby ! me and my husband share the work and the chores around the house. he helps clean and cook and does the laundry ... Maybe you need to pay half the rent and half of all the bills then tell him to get off the couch and help or you'll find someone who well..Good luck. sj
When you find the answer to this please let me know too! My b/f is the same way. I think most men are like that. LAZY! They think the women are supposed to do all that stuff. Once in a while you can find a good man that will cook and clean. But I really don't mind doing all that. Keeps me going. But since you are working a lot you should get some help. Try to express to him your concern and if he keeps giving you the same excuse, go out and buy yourself some dinner and let him cook his own crap and let him see how it feels! Worked for me one time.
well he is just a lazy ass..... he just doesnt love u much.. tell him he should start helping you or else...... youl leave him he just not a real man i love my girlfriend and i like cooking so shes ok...hehehe
it sounds like he likes the way things are (you doing most, if not all the house work). if he's been like that for years than forget about changing him now, he got comfortable with the way things are. you could try talking to him about it and letting him know that you are tired too and you need to make some sort of plan or schedule that you could both live with. if that does not work you could either stay and keep on doing all the work, or leave him. good luck either way.
you've got to set a schedule for both of you as to who will be assigned to a particular household chores. you guys should meet halfway. both of u should compromise. if your boyfriend doesn't agree, oh dear, you're stuck with a couch potato. sad but true...
well obviously he realizes that all he has to do is tell u he's tired and you'll do whatever needs to be done. My theory is if i have to do everything alone i may as well be alone. Once a guy knows that your really serious about something, like not dealing with their crap anymore they'll get it together or else they dnt care. which means u nd to drop that zero and get a hero.
Your line, "We've been together for 5yrs now and it just doesnt seem like he wants to make any effort.", sums it up nicely. Leave him and find a man with some backbone.
Short answer is you can't! If you're looking for someone that will help you do those things then my advice is to look for a different guy. Granted we men have to be reminded from time to time because we tend to get into a rut, but that isn't what your describing. What you describe sounds more like a guy that enjoys being waited on by you his servant and not his partner.
say Good-bye
So its his house and you live with him ok? Are you his partner his lodger or what?If you are partners you need to work out a fair rota and share of evgrything between you. if you are a lodger paying rent in kind perhaps you should just pay him money over for your rent and leave him to do his own cleaning cooking washing. Take your stuff to the launderette, have your dinner at work anf let him pay his own share of the holiday or arrange to go away with a friend. My guess is he will pretty quickly realise which side his bread is buttered on and start being a bit more considerate to you. if he doesn't you would be advised to look for a new partner.
well obviosuly he thinks its ok because you put up with it for so long.. !!! have you told him how you feel.. !! Dont do for him with hes not doing for you .. !! I did that to my boyfriend when we first got together i told him well if your not going to help me out then im not going to help you out.. ((cooking ...cleaning..laundry..)) and now after 5 years he does it.. but just like a man i have to go over the cleaning and do it right.. but at least he tries.. LOL..
talk to him and be really opened about it, tell him you need his help that you cant do this alone, you both are together and you have to support each other... split the bills, maybe a reorganization in your life... split tasks... one day you can do the dishes when you're free and he can do it when you're not free and stuff like that... You guys should make really clear this points so you can live organized.. make it clear to him that the same way he gets tired so do you... but still you clean the house and cook and stuff.. so he should give it a try and help you ... tell him that cooking and cleaning wont make him less of a man... just talk to him and of course let him know that if he doesn't change you can't carry with all the responsibilities by yourself... so you would have to walk away... ( maybe you will feel sad to say that but it's true you can go on alone like this.. ) it's time to shake him from the shoulders and say WAKE UP.. GET BUSY LAZY-ASS
Its the same with my husband. He has gotten better. I think what you should do is sit down with him, get his full attention & make it a serious convers. and tell him how you feel (very important not to point fingers or yell, you will only get him mad) try to make him understand that its both of you guys responsibility to keep the house clean and tidy and to help eachother to make tasks easier. Also ask him why he doesn't want to cook besides that he's tired, it might be that he doesn't know how to cook. When i had my convers. w/my husband he told me that he was willing to help with cleaning up, but it wasn't that he didnt wnat to help me with the cooking but it was that he didn't know how to even make a hard boiled egg. Let him know how much it would mean to you for him to help you, ask him what is it that he IS willing to help you with. and give him room to speak his mind too. good luck to the both of ya.
Start to charge him for things such as cooking and sex.