Fed Financial
mother in law.... help????? please?
we used to get along great, recently, my husband and i had some financial difficulties. ( who doesnt, we have 3 kids ), anyway, we used to be close, so i thought. she called me up a couple weeks ago, telling me i had failed at many things and that her son was miserable, when i confronted him about it, he was livid with her and said that it was all opinions from an unhappy person and none of it was remotely true, i believe him because we know what we have with each other and we know we are happy. she was just making assumptions, again, just this time its aimed at me, rather than some one else. ( i have seen her do this to my sister in law ), anyway, i wont go around her because i dont feel welcome and i know myself all too well and i dont want to disrespect my husband by telling her what i think, believe me, its not nice thoughts. so with the holidays here and her being "holier than thou", how do i go about keeping the peace and my own peace of mind?? shes also very judging, though, she claims to be a Christian, the God i know and believe in is our only judge, so what do i do with that? she disagrees with me because i have tattoos and piercings, but my husband loves me the way i am. i have never done anything to her, i really looked up to her, until now. now i dont know what to do. its not like we are teens or anything, we are both 30 and i feel like im being treated like a child.
Public Comments
- Hahaha sorry, I just find it funny that she is Christain, they seem to be the worst kind for judging others! Live your life for your family and forget about someone like that.... don't waste your energy, effort, or tears on someone who can not give you respect. A true Christian would help you through these tough times, not judge and degrade you and try to tear up your family. Best Wishes!
- everyone is judgemental christian or otherwise based on our ego/life experiences/knowledge. rise above whatever it is you feel she's judging you about by being kind. what else can you do? keep the peace for your husbands sake. for your inner peace. bite the bullet
- try to understand she has a one way opinion kind of attitude and you are the better person. you need to ignore her and worry about your money, marriage and KIDS. who cares about the old lady. they are cruel but that is becasue their children found someone else to also love rather than their own mother. so you should just be the better person, invite her for the holidays and do not be all fake nice because you will give a wrong message. instead be kinda annoyied looking and try to get something across like "I do not care about your opinion" but like do not really say it and also try to enjoy the holiday with you husband and kids because in reality they should be the most important things in your life that you should ever worry about.
- Ever hear that saying, "Get thee behind me satan?" Resort to that saying when it comes to your MIL and keep your far distance from her.
- I can't give you a real answer to your question because really we have exactly one slanted side to the story. I will tell you what I went through and give you some suggestions for you to follow. My inlaws hated me from the start. I was a long haird dirty hippy (I wasn't really dirty but in the early 70's all hippies were considered dirty, just like many of my generation look at piercings and tatoos as inappropriate) They told everyone concerned that they didn't expect us to last a year. We have been married 33 years now. My father in law never spoke a word to me till the day he died. We did not spend holidays with them. But we did not break contact with them either. They are my wifes parents and deserve not only my respect as well as hers. They had an active roll in the raising of the children. I can talk to her mother but I can not say we ever have been or ever could be friends. I just keep my speech respectful and I never ever bad mouth my mother in law or my father in law to my wife. So I guess what I'm saying is treat them with the honor due parents but that doesn't mean you have to spend time with them. But never ever denagrate them in front of your husband or children. The funny thing is I found myself hating my daughters boyfriends for their generational oddities and then I understood where my in-laws were coming from. Especially when it came to my baby which my wife was to her parents. I could not bear the fact that she was making mistakes that could ruin her life and I had no say in the matter. Oh and I resent the inferance that christians are judgemental. Your whole "her being holier than thou" statement shows that you too are making a judgement. I'd in the end talk to her, respectfully, and find out whats causing the problem. Then I'd do what you can to make amends.
